New Age Religions

Homer Dohhhh-ism
. . .
Born Again Christian Slaters
. . .
Hey Judism
. . .
Six Degrees of Kevin Baconism
. . .
Eggnostics
. . .
Blues for Cheesus
. . .
Weird Scientology

Gifts I Wanted		Gifts I Got
The new Pearl Jam CD		Wayne Newton's Greatest Hits, on 8-track
Chinchilla hat		Chia Head
An engagement ring		Ring around the collar
Bear skin rug		Skinny bear hug
Jewelry		Jury duty
World peace		5,000 puzzle pieces
One of my witticisms in the Kranium		Edited
A week's skiing in Aspen		A week's supply of aspirin
Tickle-Me Elmo from Uncle Arnold		A black eye from Arnold Schwartzenegger
A bowling shirt		Ebola
Nintendo 64		25 or 6 to 4
Leopard sheets		Leprosy
Toy Story video		Toys R' Us surveillance tape

Chelsea's Christmas Wish List

A positive role model . . . A kinder, gentler editorial cartoonist . . . An invisible friend who doesn't "babble incessantly" . . . Her own section in a nationally known Web site (Congrats, Chelsea!) . . . A haircut similar to Mom's from last year (the one from February . . . no, April . . . or was it June?) . . . A condo at Whitewater . . . A guaranteed job in the Whitehouse Travel Office . . . Just 10 minutes with Uncle George in the Parliament of Funk . . . A new last name, a new address, a new beginning. Oh what the heck -- a spot in the witness protection program

Kranium Home

Parietal Partitions :: Synapses :: Gray Matter
Frontal Lobe :: Temporal Lobe :: Leopold & Loeb
Brain Tumor :: Personality Disorders
Cerebrum :: Shock Therapy :: Psychogenic Fugue
Long Term Memory :: Spinal Cord :: Corporate Callosum

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